Hello!

It has been awhile hasn’t it.

Definitely did not expect that my blogging slump would turn into a blogging hiatus of 9 months and 9 days.

It’s a bit weird now logging into Netgalley and seeing the vast amounts of books I have yet to read let alone review which by now obviously have been archived.

My personal life just slowly took over until my blog just became a distant memory until now and the reason why I came back again was because I dabbled in the whole Booktube thing but between editing my videos and speaking to the camera without rambling I just couldn’t make it work.

My words were stilted and I was frustrated when I re-watch them because they don’t seem like me.

What else happened?

Oh yes!

I have officially lost 26 kg!

Yup! You read that right. From Day 1 of my fitness journey (God knows when was that) until now I have lost 26 kg.

I will most probably write a blog post on that particular journey.

This blog post is just some random thoughts I wanted to express before I post my book review.

Ezza’s life updates

I have so been slacking off with my reviews lately and the cause is due to me running out of motivation to write book reviews. I currently am undergoing a sort of book-review-funk where I feel my reviews are not up to scratch and the books I read also suffer from the same problem.

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I feel that historical romance just isn’t tickling my intellect enough for any form of discussion or debate to happen or maybe I am just not looking into the plot deep enough and so I decided to read Ancient Lights by John Banville and realized that I have no idea what is going on or what is the writer writing about which went on a tandem where I was thinking that maybe my own intellect wasn’t up to snuff… to put it simply… I am too stupid to comprehend any type of complex storytelling. I realized too late that the book is the last installment in a trilogy which explains why I have no idea what is going on… so this soothes my fear of me being too dumb.

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This feeling started when I became obsessed with video essays done by Nerdwriter1 on Youtube. I felt that he discussed his ideas with such conciseness, quality and good content that I felt dwarfed in comparison to my own works. His videos made me yearn for more. More quality content. More intellectual discussions that widens the mind.

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His videos encompassed movies, art, songs, poems, even the speech by Martin Luther King Jr.. It awed me how with meticulous research one can learn so much. There is so much knowledge out there in the world that it planted a seed of discontent with my own reading material.

Don’t get me wrong I love historical romance for its quality of escapism from the harsh reality of the world but too much form of mental escapism is also bad for I fear I am not learning much from reading these sorts of material and I truly can feel my brain turning to rot.

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Which leads me to my second update in life. I was called for a second interview with Oceancare. First of all, I didn’t think I was even going to get a call back considering I was one amongst hundreds that came for the walk-in interview and I am grateful enough that I was given the opportunity and even if I did not get the job it is okay. It was such an adrenaline rush that the people at Oceancare thought that I was worthy enough to even get a second interview.

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The third life update was that a friend of mine introduced me to a Sarawakian Bloggers group which I honest to God did not even know existed till yesterday and through sheer luck (or is it fate?) I was invited to join a food testing event tomorrow at a restaurant and all I needed to do was give a review and write a blog post of the event and my experience. I was gobsmacked! Me? Invited for an event? My book blog and I? Wow… the most free thing my book blog and I had ever gotten was free books from Netgalley. This was a real step up for me and the best part I can meet new people. It’s scary because I am usually uncomfortable being at new places with new people but I feel at 24 I really should widen my social circle.

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I really hope with joining this Sarawakian blog group/community I get to widen my social circle and finally MEET THE ONE!!!!!!!

Ezza’s Life Updates

Hello guys! A lot of shit has happened in past week and I thought it deserved to have its own blog post and the major shit that has happened was that I got fired from my English teacher tuition job. I don’t know how I feel about this both parts sad, relieved, happy and confused.

My ex-boss, Mrs. S, said that I wasn’t cut out for this job. She said it in nicer terms but the essence of the talk was that I wasn’t up to par with what she wanted, wasn’t suitable and thus I was given the boot. The reason why I am feeling confused was because one part of me is relieved and happy that I get my Saturdays back which gives me more time to focus on my book blog, bookstagram and booktube and also I was really struggling to teach my students. Don’t get me wrong I am good in English for a Malay but I completely suck at explaining the technicalities of English especially since I myself don’t even know these technicalities even existed. I have never heard of adjective phrases, adverbial phrases, gerunds, noun clauses and such so it was nothing short of a miracle that I was able to study the material myself days beforehand and teach it! But the thing that made me sad was aside from the money that I will be losing was that I will miss my kids. I grew attached to some of them and they became friends of mine (also probably why I had a supposed ‘discipline’ problem in my class, I was too nice).

Altogether, I was happy that I gave this job a shot. Even though I failed, I felt as if this failure is just a stepping stone to a new adventure. So what, I was fired from this job at least I gave my best and I learned from it. Now I know without a doubt that I am not a very good teacher, I’ve always known it but now with actual proof it is undeniable.

Mom is now making me call this other tuition center and I am here just thinking like jeez, woman give me a break. I have been non-stop working ever since I graduated. Barely two months after I finished my last class, I was forced to start work as a tea-lady then I was coerced to take on more classes than I can handle. I told her I cannot handle four classes especially if two of them is middle school, she didn’t believe me and so obviously that crashed and burned. I sometimes wished that mom saw how tired I am, physically and mentally. I am 24 and I really do feel like I am burnt out. She says that if she could do it why can’t I but she can’t see that I am not her. I am so sick and tired of my life being controlled from what course I take in uni to what jobs I get to what I can or cannot spend.

I just need a break you know. It doesn’t have to be a long ass holiday. Just a full weekend where I can vege out and just meditate and chill or whatever. Damn, this post went from optimistic to pessimistic fast. Better stop now before it becomes a whole downward spiral of gloom.

That’s all the updates I have for now.

Ezza’s life updates

I am just writing this post so there’s somethin on my blog for Friday… teehee. Well, well, well another life update post. What is up with my life now? I would say nothing much has changed except now I am really into this fitness thing ever since I joined a gym. I have legit become a #gymgirl, who knew? Image result for gym girl meme

Having gym membership works wonders for me because I legit can go to the gym at 9.30 pm, workout for half an hour and bail plus when I am at the gym you get motivated and you’re in the zone when compared to working out at home where there are so many distractions such as house chores and making dinner and tv and whatnot. Like when I have to drive to the gym it already takes effort so I might as well show effort in working out too.

I checked my body fat percentage the other day and I am at 36.1% and my internal body age is 49, like whut girl???Image result for the shock face meme

So, I am superbly motivated to change said number to 34% within this month (next month? considering this is end of April).

Anyhoots, my fitness plan this time is again doing the BBG because this guide is a pain in the ass and I can never finish it… ever. So this time this will change. I will finish it and see this MOFO through, just to prove to myself that I of all people can do it and also, I am kind of starting my running journey because I wanna join a 10K run in July. Image result for fitness meme

Once, all of this is over, the BBG and the running thing, and my body is freakishly hot (at least in my mind it is) don’t be surprised if I start prancing naked around town (which is probably another reason God never gave me said hot body in the first place due to fear of me burning the eyes of innocent civilians with the show of my body). But, let’s be real you’d be prancing around naked too if you lost 20-30 kg and your body is toned AF.

Aside from the fitness thing, I have been in a reading/reviewing funk making me MIA for the past month to two months-ish from my blog. I still wrote reviews for the books that I have read, I just didn’t post it on my blog. Why, I didn’t post it? I have no idea, I just didn’t feel like it but finally I did post a new review which was up yesterday and it reminded me of why I like blogging.

A thought occurred to me should I start booktubing again to reach a wider audience and also just for the fun of it. My idea was since I am not good at doing reviews as a booktuber I will instead do a monthly book wrap up and finally admit and expose that I have an addiction to historical romance books. I mean booktubing sounds like a lot of fun and partly the reason why I stopped before was that I felt so stupid and my videos were boring to be honest and also lack of internet. But nothing is set in stone so this is just an idea for now but if i do start a booktube thing I will defo share the link here.

I think that is all the updates I have from my life for now.

 

 

My Rooster Year

I am born in 1993 thus in the Chinese astrological sign I am born in the year of the Rooster which is this year thus I have decided that I want to improve myself both physically, mentally and emotionally. I mean come on this is literally my year. Literally. If this ain’t the year then when am I going to start when I am 60?

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So anyways, I have been overweight for the past 7 years or so and it all comes down to my problem with discipline which also extends to every aspects of my life be it a workout routine, my blog, my job or whatever. The discipline problem is there, it’s worse when it comes to money. My friend says I am an enabler and when I have been working hard (with my side jobs and my main jobs) the enabler Ezza comes out and says…

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Which explains why I spent RM 60 in masks and an RM 80 lip tint from Tony Moly but… there is a but! I am 24 now and I will get a fitter body. I WILL BE DISCIPLINED!!!! Thus on days where I have no idea what to write about in regards to my book blog I will update about my life and most importantly my fitness journey. I really hope by joining this gym of which I am paying RM 200 this month will push me to really put in the time to get said bikini body.

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But let’s just be real we all know this is just me trying to convince myself I am doing this for the greater good when really I am just deluding myself that once I get said hot body I will have a minute chance of being with either Keanu Reeves or Tom Hiddleston. Yup… it’ll happen because IF GOD SAYS YES NOBODY CAN SAY NO!

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Am I delusional? Am I really? Yes…Yeah… Yes.. Okay… I am slightly… just ever so SLIGHTLY delusional but it’s fine. It is still under control no it isn’t. I mean look at them (please see pic below) how can you not be delusional?

Look at them!!! Like how? Tell me how can I not be slightly delusional about them.

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Mind you I am just slightly delusional although if you ask my best friend Jell and Nynna, they’d tell you otherwise. I swear Nynna isn’t even phased anymore she be all it’ll pass soon enough just give Ezza a month or two.

So wish me luck in getting my shit together! 😀

 

Wednesday Feels

Today’s post is going to be another diary entry. I have got to be honest guys, I am very self-conscious of my blog. It is the basic of basics. I don’t have fancy headers, even my ratings it is just words or numbers. I don’t have those snazzy pics I always see on other blogs. It’s not that I don’t want to have snazzy ratings or funny gifs. I don’t know how to get nor apply the snazzy pictures and neither do I have the time. I don’t have internet at home so usually my reviews/posts, I will write it during my lunch hour at work or when work is sparse and there is nothing much to do. So it’s always a rush to write them hahahah.

Then there’s bookstagram. God, I tried man. I really did try and take really pretty pictures of books but they take so much time of my already very limited time. That isn’t even including the time needed to actually edit them. I have no idea how people do this actually. Juggle life, work, family, chores, reading, reviewing books AND take beautiful pictures for bookstagram. I know and do realize that comparison is the thief of joy but I can’t help it. The grass is always greener on the other side. So I kind of forgo my bookstagram and reverted back to my personal one. Maybe I am just not built for bookstagram as even my own personal instagram barely has new pictures.

I guess this post is just me acknowledging that I do realize that my blog has its shortcomings and I am trying to improve both in aesthetics and also my writing. I just need time and *hopefully* money to finally get internet at home.

I am really glad I do have loyal followers who do read my posts and was with me especially when I went through a reading slump and drama in my life causing me to be MIA for two months.

Update on the Wednesday feels post. I SUH-WEEEARR to God this phase of reading romance novels is slowly becoming a full blown addiction! My Netgalley shelf list is all romance novels now… I can’t help it man! They are so fast and sooooo easy to read, I just whiz through them like eating MnM’s and we all know how murder mysteries the quality fluctuated especially if you are like me where you read anything but with romance novels they tend to have a template and most of them are quite enjoyable. I never thought I’d see the day that I am addicted to romance novels.

It’s been awhile

Hello again blog-o-sphere! It has been awhile since I wrote anything and to be honest it was because I was in a slump. I didn’t feel like wanting to write in my blog due to being busy with work and personal matters.

I mean I was busy with work then my house got broken into and the son of a b**** stole my harddisk where I wrote ALL of my reviews then after that I was again busy with work so I was just mentally and physically exhausted after that. I didn’t stop reading though I just stopped writing anything.

But since I am doing the Bikini Body Guide by Kayla Itsines I thought why not just get my shit done. Be a new me. No more procrastination. I wrote myself a two page letter consisting mainly of peptalk and motivational cues so I can just get out of my slump and just go at it you know.

Tuesday Feels

 

This is another diary-ish post, if you haven’t noticed lately I have only been posting only reviews and I feel guilty that I don’t do ‘Top Ten Tuesdays’ or ‘WWW Wednesdays’ etc anymore and it’s not that I don’t want to. I do but I have been swamped with work literally SWAMPED. During my lunch hour I just sleep my exhaustion off. Mental exhaustion that is and this caused me to slack off in my blogging.

I feel bad because there is so many things that need my attention that my focus for my blog is shoved aside. I have work, then chores which if you must know also includes Malaysian style gardening which just involves; me, a machete and a forest…  A  LITERAL FOREST OF WEEDS to chop down, then there is the occasional exercise then it is time for reading and practice my brushlettering and this is not including family time or religious classes during the weekends which I am coerced to go by my mother.

So as you can see I am SWAMPED so by the time I finally get to my blog I am just too tired to do anything but I will try to improve and do the whole write a bunch of posts and schedule it out. I just gotta find my rhythm again and since tomorrow is a holiday I will use that to get my blog affairs straight.

Till then friends. 😀

My frustration

As I sit here typing using the computer meant for work feeling guilty of the time spent here, I question my existence and my life. I call it my mid-life crisis, my friends say it is more appropriate to call it a quarterly-life crisis as I am just 23 but it does not feel that way.

My face might be young and wrinkle-free but my soul feels like an old woman; tired of life and wanting it to end. I feel like life has cheated me with its hopes for the future and its endless (?) optimism and just to think I am supposed to be happy as I just graduated a few days ago but all I see in me is frustration that my life could not be what I want it to be. To say it was solely my fault would be wrong as other external factors weigh me down and shackle me to this life of responsibility and mind-numbing existence whilst my siblings roam free to do what they want with their lives.

As the years pass me by I am losing the will to fight for the right to live my life the way I want to, the right to explore and free the bonds that trap my mind… it feels as if the years are dissolving my fighting spirit away and what will be left behind will only be a shadow of me.