Ezza’s Random Wednesdays

For todays topic I thought of talking about the Sarawakian style of gardening. At least my version of gardening. This version of gardening doesn’t need a lot of tools. You just need one tool and everything else is optional… even shoes (I am legit not kidding).

Said tool that you need is….

A MACHETE!!!!

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or if you are a beginner like me and don’t want your finger to be accidentally chopped off then what you need is…

A SICKLE!!!

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Thus, once you have your tool sharpened and ready what you need to do next is legit RAMBOOOOO IT OUT! RAMBO IT ALL OUT AGAINST THOSE SO-CALLED MOFO GRASS!!!!

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Don’t hold back I tell you, just go absolutely manic with it!

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Now, the reason why I choose a sickle over a machete is due to:

  1. More control
  2. It’s just easier
  3. I almost chopped my finger off with a machete so will not repeat that process again thank you very much
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Yeah hahha nope not again

You might think I am completely overreacting with said gardening. No, my dear readers I wish I was. The grass behind my house is literally 3/4 of my height and I am 158 cm!!!! Okay so the picture below is the main grass behind my house which is called lalang in malay and when I google translate it it becomes thatch so take what you will.

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Just imagine all these lalang/grass all over my backyard and don’t get me started on the smaller grass which have hooks on them. JESUS CHRIST THOSE ARE THE WORST.

The name of said god awful weed is I kid you not “Shameplant” which I is presumably from its malay counterpart, pokok semalu. Yeah weed you better be ASHAMED OF YO SELF! Creating nothing but effin havoc!

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If you think I am done dear readers, no… no I am not done. I was just warming up. Aside from battling those god forsaken weeds you also must combat….

Mosquitoes!

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Fire ants!

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Centipedes!

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Also if you have Banana trees in your backyard you will also occasionally encounter

Snakes!

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You are considered lucky if its a python my backyard once became a habitat for Cobras

If you have trees then you again have an addition of handling

Wasps!

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Essentially when you attempt or do Sarawakian gardening, it is just you against the forest. What you want to achieve is not really gardening but more of a preventative measure of avoiding your backyard turning to the Amazon forests.

But with dedication and consistency your backyard can be conquered! Also know your limits, if you soooo cannot handle anything else except grass. Please call a professional which in this case is MY MOM!

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And with that folks is my version of gardening. 🙂

 

5 Comments

  1. Good grief! All I have to avoid is the occasional pile of fox poo, the occasionally drowsy wasp or hornet (particularly if I’m sitting on my garden swing eating an ice cream). As for weeds, my garden is afflicted with bindweed which grows far too fast and chokes other plants – I hate it! And garden pests – I grow huge slugs which tend to polish off my seedlings. But I’m not going to moan too loudly – not after seeing what you have to contend with! Suddenly my frogs, hedgehogs and smoothsnakes (essentially legless lizards which are harmless and rather beautiful) seem very cosy.

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